10 ways to make Japanese guys fall in love

10 ways to make Japanese guys fall in love

I consider myself a modern Japanese woman, and honestly, I cannot say that you can easily ‘make’ Japanese men do anything they don’t want to do, let alone fall in love. But if you too are a woman, and you are reading this, I assume the subject has piqued your interest in some way. Therefore, I must think about the kinds of advice I might offer to other women, particularly foreigners, when it comes to romantic involvements with Japanese men. I cannot guarantee my advice will help you make a Japanese guy fall for you, but maybe you can give him a nudge in the desired direction!



 

10 ways to make Japanese guys fall in love

 

1. Meeting Japanese Men

Of course, the social life of our planet is full of nightlife where one can meet all kinds of people, but seeking meaningful relationships with strangers is a difficult, sometimes dangerous, proposition. It is better, where possible, to meet people through work or at schools and colleges. Working or studying with Japanese men on a daily basis will give you the opportunity to observe the way they behave and think, and whether you feel a particular guy is worth pursuing or not.

 

2. What is a man?

Difficult question, isn’t it? I mean, some men are boorish and arrogant, others are sensitive and compassionate, and between the two extremes lies little of note. Whatever type you are attracted to, the one thing you can be sure of, is that all men are basically children at heart; if you are good with kids, you’ll have no problems controlling a man!

Are Japanese men any different? No, of course not. They might in general be more or less conservative in a cultural sense to what you are used to, but essentially all men are quite simple creatures. If you realize this, you can soon have them jumping through hoops!

 

3. Know your Quarry

You are probably wondering: if men are so simple, where’s the challenge in getting to know them? Well, the real challenge with men comes much later, usually after marriage; I can imagine that is where his being a Japanese man might have some significance. But that isn’t what this list is about. To begin with, when you first meet a man who appeals to you, try to ascertain what kind of person he is and what his interests are. The more you know about him before he asks you on a date, the better. But remember, Japanese men are no different to any others: if he is talking to you and grinning like a loon, he is probably already interested!

 

4. Talk the Talk

Once you know what kind of man you are dealing with, you will be able to speak his language. I’m not referring to his mother tongue here, though clearly some conversational Japanese skills will help foreign girls relate more easily to Japanese men. No, a man’s conversation is usually about himself, his work and his interests, but it takes a woman time to learn what is important to him. Of course, it helps if your interests and his are the same, otherwise, with Japanese men, there are some fairly universal subjects that you can easily prepare yourself to talk about. Economics, golf and baseball are all suitable topics. And if you feel yourself drifting off to sleep, just give yourself a pinch!

 

5. Mother Tongues

As I said above, having some conversational Japanese ability will be useful in getting to know Japanese men. But some of the most successful inter-cultural relationships I have seen began with both parties only knowing a little of each others’ languages. A lack of language ability need not be an impediment to getting to know a Japanese guy. If two people genuinely like each other, they will find a way to communicate. Japanese men will respect women who can communicate something of their personality, whether in words, gestures or pictures, so do not be afraid to take a notebook and pencil on your dates, and avoid noisy venues where you have to shout to be heard!

 

6. Why Me?

It is undeniable that many Japanese men find foreign women exotic or, in some way, physically alluring, while for foreign girls it may be considered ‘cool’ in some circles to have a Japanese boyfriend, but these shallow attractions may be short lived. I mean, it is one thing to be desirable, but if you can’t discuss the finer points of Abenomics, how can you expect your date to take you seriously?

Okay, I’m joking, but you can never underestimate how attractive a culturally different femininity can be to a man. If you want to know what your date sees in you, ask him; most Japanese men are honest enough to tell you. Indeed, just being asked to think about it may help convince him that you are exactly the kind of woman he has been searching for all his life.

 

7. Tolerances

The notion that a woman should always defer to the man, and always laugh at his jokes remains somewhat ingrained in Japanese society, but I do not believe one should ever feel obliged to accept chauvinistic or sexist attitudes. Fortunately, most younger Japanese men are perfectly open to having their erroneous beliefs challenged. In many ways, it is easier to change the way Japanese men think than to change the attitudes of Japanese women. But that is another issue altogether.

Successful inter-cultural relationships more naturally arise where both parties accept the challenges each poses the other. Above all else, being true to yourself and honest in your opinions is something Japanese men will respect and admire.

 

8. Intimacy

Okay, I know we are still discussing the getting to know you stage of a relationship, but for many, physical intimacy will be a part of that. I’m not suggesting that you need to hop straight into bed with a man you hardly know, but… well… it doesn’t hurt to be prepared. As I said at the beginning, men are simple, child-like creatures so, for them, sex can be the deal breaker that makes them fall head over heels for you!

One thing foreigners should understand is that public displays of affection are not common in Japan, even among married couples, so if the Japanese man you are dating will only embrace or kiss you in private, it isn’t because he’s ashamed of you, but because to do so publicly is a cultural taboo.

I also mentioned previously how women are apt to defer to the man in Japanese society, and this is also true of sex, where women seldom initiate love making. Now, it may be the case that some Japanese men will welcome a more liberated display of feminine sexuality, but you can’t bank on that being the case; in fact, excessive carnality on your part could just as easily drive him away! Remember that men are all sexually insecure souls, so just take things slowly and test the water, so to speak. If you are destined to be together, you have a whole lifetime to perfect your love making!

 

9. Roles

As your relationship deepens, you may begin to spend time at each other’s apartments, where how tidy you are and how well you cook will not go unnoticed, and your domestic skills may be greatly appreciated. I won’t go so far as to say that Japanese men are all looking for mother substitutes, certainly no more than other men on the planet, but they do have certain expectations of the women they choose. Loyalty, diligence, cleanliness and patience are highly regarded traits.

It is still usual for women to handle the domestic side of life in Japan, while men are expected to be the bread winners. No, that isn’t fair, but it is the way it is. Of course, you can always try leaving a mess everywhere and burn everything you cook; if he loves you, it won’t matter that you aren’t super housewife material!

 

10. Where do we go from here?

So, all your friends think your Japanese boyfriend is cute and cool, and he is crazy about you. He always takes you to nice places and likes to buy you presents, and he always values your opinions. You have even managed to get him to quit smoking and stop picking his nose when you watch a movie together! Life is great and you just know that at any moment he will pop the question. But before you say “yes”, it might be worth thinking about where this will lead.

Japanese men are very family minded and he will certainly want to have kids, so you will have to plan together the size of your family and how soon you have them. It may also be expected that you give up your own career, so you will have to be honest if that is unacceptable to you. The pull of one’s own family and culture may well be stronger for Japanese men, so where you will eventually live may be the biggest concession one of you has to make. Now all you have to do is meet his Mother… good luck with that!

 

Conclusion

My advice in this article may be a little tongue-in-cheek, but I just wanted to make the point that, in spite of some obvious cultural differences, Japanese men are pretty much like all other men in their romantic inclinations and attitudes to women. Probably most women are hoping to meet a ‘good man’, a ‘Mr Right’, but whether we share with our man the social conventions of a single culture, or are half of an inter-cultural union, we must never lose sight of our individuality and right to be respected. What is eternally and universally true, is that men and women have to work hard to build successful relationships. When and how we fall in love is not something we can predict or ‘force’ into being, nor should we.

 

10 ways to make Japanese guys fall in love

1. Meeting Japanese Men
2. What is a man?
3. Know your Quarry
4. Talk the Talk
5. Mother Tongues
6. Why Me?
7. Tolerances
8. Intimacy
9. Roles
10. Where do we go from here?